The Mute and the Megaphone
by G66XD66
Summary: Kurere and people don't mix at all. She'll happily deal with loneliness if it meant not having to get involved with other people's lives. However, nothing stays the same forever, and this sudden change takes the form of a little tadpole called Fotete. A separate character arc of the comic related to my 'Torch Bearer' story. Still only OCs for now.


Solitude isn't always nice, but I handle it well. Being as awkward as I am in any kind of social situation, it really is just as well. No one could have warned me how social interaction changes as you age… and adapting to that is hard for me.

It wouldn't seem so to most people, but being the way I am can attract a lot of unwanted negative attention. The way I was treated, alienated, was so confusing and unfair, it would torture me on a deep, mental level. I think they knew that, and it was funny to them, but that's over now.

Right now, I'm in a rehabilitation centre. Mental institution. Hospital. Whatever it's referred to as I've long forgotten.

Here, I feel safe. I feel like an equal. I feel somewhat important. They don't patronise me here. They teach me coping mechanisms and help me learn how to act in social situations. They also give me a kind of therapy, related to one of my talents – music. I've been described by therapists as a savant, which is a sort of plus for the condition that I have. I have strong skills in music, art, and technology. A sort of consolation prize for having my mind wired differently.

Despite all the wonderful help I've been given, making friends is still an impossibility for me. Being shy is one thing, but when you hesitate to analyse every little thing about a person – how they look, what they wear, their expression, their stance, their demeanour, their voice, their movements – befriending people becomes almost impossible, but that isn't something I can help. My comfort zone is a sanctuary… and I hate change.

But then of course, _everything_ changes.

* * *

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about today, Kurere?"

"Not as such. I feel fairly neutral today. No bad dreams or awkward encounters"

My therapist, Shikoko, watched me intently. She usually did this if I had nothing to say to her. Like she thought I was hiding something, but I don't hide things, I see no reason to lie or pretend.

"Who have you spoken to in the last week?" She asked.

"You"

She frowned at me. Did I say the wrong thing?

"You know I meant other than me"

No, I didn't. She never specified anything like that. I shook my head at her.

"I can't have been the only person you've spoken to, Kurere"

"Yes you can. It's not an impossibility to have only seen one person all week"

The look she gave me told me I was taking things to literally again, which was a shame because I thought I'd gotten better at reading tone rather than just hearing the words being said.

"Did you at least try to talk to anyone else?"

"No"

Now her expression was that of pity, and I felt bad for it. The only thing I hadn't done here was attempt to interact with other people, but other than the people I was obligated to speak to, I hadn't spoken to anyone for the past year and a half I've had living here. Even _I_ knew that was far too long.

She noted some things down, before standing up and approaching me, gently resting her hands on my shoulders. I hated it when people just touched me without consent, but I knew this meant she wanted me to look at her, which I reluctantly did. I'm bad at giving eye contact.

"I'm worried for you, Kurere. I want you to make friends so that you don't have to be alone anymore, but it's almost like you _want _to isolate yourself sometimes"

I frowned, my eyes subconsciously leaving hers and staring at the floor. I didn't like being alone, but interrupting a routine and my comfort zone to meet someone who most likely would not be interested was a scary concept to me and I didn't like the thought of it one bit. No one approached me, anyway, so that probably meant that they didn't want to meet me either.

Realising that she wouldn't get a response out of me, she sighed and put her notes into her folder and left the room. I watched the door close slowly behind her before simply sitting there in silence for a few moments.

Deciding I wanted to do something, I returned to my bed and took my Gameboy out from the bedside drawer with the intent of continuing my current Dragon Quest file, though it quickly became apparent that the batteries were drained. That was the problem with my old Gameboy; it ran on AA batteries rather than a rechargeable internal one. This meant I would have to go down through the common room and into the duty free near the front of the complex to buy some more. I didn't like the idea of that at all, but my mind was set that I wanted to play my game, so I decided to suck it up and just do it.

Despite my general aversion to people, I'm very good with large crowds and going from place to place through people as long as I didn't have to stop for any reason. Snaking through the people in the halls was easy for me, and unlike my life before this place, nobody ever felt the need to stop and intimidate me with unwanted conversation.

I managed to successfully make my way to the duty free, and bought a stockpile of batteries to store for later. It was on the way out when it went horribly wrong.

There was a short, brown tadpole stood at the entry to the main complex, staring at it blankly. I would have to ask her to move out of my way. Not liking the idea, I stood by the door of the duty free silently, hoping she would move away on her own, but she didn't. No one else even passed her to ask her to move themselves.

I sighed. I guess I would have to go around the building to the main entrance to my dorm. Well, that was the initial plan, I hadn't calculated the possibility that the little tadpole would notice me and run over.

"Hey! Hi! Wait up!" She cried, her voice not sounding quite as young as I'd expected, startling me into stopping in my tracks.

The tadpole didn't wait for me to fully turn to her, instead, she walked right around and stood in front of me, staring up at me with huge eyes. I didn't like this one bit, I needed to come up with an excuse to leave _right now_…

"Hi there! I'm sorry to bother you ma'am, but I got lost looking for the right dormitory building. This place is huge!"

I said nothing, concentrating more on regulating my breathing rather than on what she was saying.

"I was hoping you could show me where to go? I'm looking for the Caelum building"

I swallowed. That was _my_ building too. I couldn't exactly tell her I didn't know, since she'd see me there. Unless I hid…

"I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you my name! I'm Fotete, and this is my very first day here" She held out a hand amiably "What's your name?"

I relaxed by only a tiny margin. This girl didn't mean me any harm. She was just lost, and required assistance. Helping people isn't _that_ scary.

"I-I'm Kurere…" I said, gingerly taking her hand and shaking it. I hated just how small I sounded with just those two words.

"I like that name! So will you help me, Kurere? Please?"

"O-of course. Yeah. Definitely yep"

Shut up shut up shut _up_.

Surprisingly, Fotete didn't give me a confused look at my babbling. Rather, her smile only widened.

"Yay! So… am I close?"

I smiled slightly myself.

"You were stood at the door just then"

She looked at the door, despite the fact that she had had a pretty good look at it just moments ago, and let out an adorable little chuckle.

"Really? I'm so silly, I had no idea!" She said. I found my own smile growing wider. Even though she was obviously very outgoing, I didn't find her as scary as everyone else.

"So my dormitory is connected through here, right?"

"Yes, correct. I can show you the way if you want…" I offered despite just wanting to retreat to my own room and play my game for a while.

"Really? That's so nice of you, thank you!"

I sighed inwardly. I'd never shown anyone around before, and I didn't really feel like starting today. But this little tadpole – Fotete – was just so nice to me that I couldn't really think of a way to go back on what I'd said without sounding like a total idiot. So I bashfully lead her through the halls and pointed out various points of interest, like two of the canteens, the common room, the little hall that lead to the elevator and the different dorm sectors. She just happened to be in the same sector as me, only one door stood between mine and her own.

"This is your room, then" I said, pointing out the door.

"Oh, thank you Kurere, it would have taken me ages to find my way here all by myself"

"It's not a problem…"

I took a step away from her before stopping as her expression changed.

"Are you going already? Oh no, did I get in the way of an appointment?"

"N-no… no of course not"

At this, I rearranged myself so that I was stood upright, awkwardly holding the bag of batteries just behind my right hip.

"Yay! You see, I was hoping you'd hang out with me for a while"

I watched her for a while, and she stared right back. She hadn't made one remark about my strange actions all this time, maybe she was realising just how unusual I was right now.

"I think we should be friends. No, I _know_ that we are already friends!" She said, taking a step forward, causing me to subconsciously step away from her. She continued to approach as I continued to back away. Now she was making me very uncomfortable.

"Fotete, no" I said suddenly, causing her to stop with a bewildered look on her face.

"No" I reiterated, before slowly retreating into my own room, bolting the door behind me. I sat by the door, breathing shallowly so as to hear what Fotete was doing. I could hear some irregular pacing for a few moments, before the sound of her footsteps began to fade off to the right, where the stair case was. I let out a relieved sigh. I was glad I got out of that without a fuss. At least I could tell Shikoko that I'd spoken to someone other than her for once.

* * *

I played Dragon Quest late into the night. I was on a roll for once, rather than getting stuck on the same board until I got sick of it. I'd gathered quite a collection of monsters and racked up quite a playtime on it. It was only when checking this while saving the game that I'd realised just how long I'd been playing, which was strange, because a week ago, I was rather sick of playing video games. But then I went through strange switches like that rather regularly.

Inwardly impressed at the battery life, I slid the Gameboy back into its drawer and promptly lay down to get to sleep. Only I couldn't. Noises that weren't common during this time of the night annoyed me because I wasn't used to them, but also scared me for the same reason.

There was a sort of irregular thumping sound – very similar to the pacing I'd heard outside my door earlier that day. There was also the sound of shaky, heavy breathing. No, I didn't like that. It was like in those ghost stories I didn't believe. The only thing missing was a screech and an andromedian husky howl.

I pulled the sheets over my head and talked to myself for a while, making alphabetical lists of things in my head as a distraction. After a few minutes, the heavy breathing grew slightly calmer, and the irregular thumps began to fade away. Normally, I would have continued making the lists until I knew the sound was definitely gone, but for reasons unknown, I knew that I should follow the sounds and find their source. My body heaved itself out of bed and reached for my dressing gown, while my brain panicked and told me that no, I shouldn't go, what if it's a burglar, what if the burglar is armed, no, no, no…

Cautiously, I followed the faint sounds as they moved away, my senses heightened in my nervous state. Nobody else seemed to be awake. I grumbled to myself. If I'd have kept an eye on the time, I could have been asleep too, and then I wouldn't be in this situation. But that was done now… I felt that I couldn't turn back.

As I kept on my way, I noticed that the door to the common room was open a crack, and a warm glow was coming from within, most likely meaning that one of the lamps was on. I started the chuckle nervously to myself. Of course, it was just one of the patients having a restless night and coming down here for a midnight snack or something. Heaving a sigh of relief, I turned to retreat up the stairs, when the shaky breathing started again, only this time it was accompanied by a small snuffling noise. I knew that if I returned to my room, I still wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd be wondering what this new noise was, so I just threw caution to the wind, and slowly pushed open the door.

There was a small bundle of what looked like the usual knitted covers on one of the sofas, only it was quivering because of what must be swaddled in it. Now that I was closer, I could tell that the snuffling was an indication that whoever was under the cover was in fact crying softly. I had to stop whoever it was, because if someone cried it usually set me off too.

Silently, I approached the bundle, and shook it gently.

"H-hello? Are you alright?"

The bundle stopped shaking and was seemingly trying to quiet its cries, but still it said nothing or revealed itself.

"I-I'm sorry, I should have respected your privacy, I mean, I-I know that _I_ like to be alone if I cry, because I get embarrassed if someone sees me, a-and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, I mean, what I mean is that I'm just checking to see if you're alright and… and stuff"

I buttoned my lips and watched the bundle for a moment. I must have made whoever was under it feel stupid. I should have left…

Unexpectedly, a little tadpole tail poked out of one end of the sofa cover, before retreating back in, this time being replaced by the owner's head. Oh dear… it was Fotete… I felt a mixture of emotions as she gazed up at me, eyes glistening with tears.

"Kurere? Is that you? I don't have my glasses so everything's a bit blurry…" she said, her voice sounding much quieter than it had before.

"Yes, it's me"

Her eye sight must have been much worse than mine, because I didn't have my glasses on either, but I could very easily tell it was Fotete.

"Oh. Hello. I'm so sorry I woke you up"

"Don't be… what's… what's wrong?"

Fotete shook her head as she pulled herself into a sitting position beside me, cuddling the knitted sheet close to her.

"What happened earlier… I'm sorry for being so full on…"

I turned to look at her. She had her face hidden behind her hat flaps in a bashful way. She was obviously troubled, as she didn't seem like the kind of girl to be this mopey and quiet.

"I get excited when I meet new people, and I love making new friends, but I always seem to scare them off. ADHD isn't really helpful in that kind of situation"

"Is that… why you're here?"

"Yeah. That and schizophrenia"

"Oh"

We sat in silence for a while. I observed her as she tried to stop her tears. She clearly felt so alien and alone here. I knew exactly hot that felt.

"You… shouldn't be sorry. For earlier. I-if anything, _I_ should be the one apologising. I'm truly terrible when it comes to social situations because… well…" I took a breath. I _hated_ using this word, because it was very commonly used as an insulting nickname "I'm… well I have autism. A-Aspergers, to be exact…"

Fotete looked up at me, her eyes looking dry now. She looked as though she knew what I was talking about, which made me relax a bit.

"I'm sure you know how autism is viewed by the general public. They gave me a fear of social interaction. It doesn't help that I'm also bipolar"

I brought my eyes up to hers and surprisingly held her gaze.

"We… we're at the right place, aren't we?"

She smiled slightly.

"Y-yeah… we're both a mess"

I smiled back at her.

"But we can work around that. It's not as hopeless as it may seem at first"

Fotete nodded, her smile brightening as she did so.

"People are hard to understand, Kurere. Will this place teach me how to be… normal?"

I frowned slightly at this.

"There _is_ no normal, Fotete. We just have to learn to coexist. People who aren't like us are just as alien as we are to them, but they shouldn't be. That's what I've been told, anyway.

Fotete chuckled again.

"Good, because I like making friends more than anything in the world"

I surprised even myself by reaching for her hand and squeezing it comfortingly.

"Then let's do this right. Start again. Be friends… for real"

Fotete paused before squeezing my hand back, grinning goofily at me.

"You really do have a peculiar way of talking, Kurere. I like it"

I attempted to frown at her, but judging by her laugh, I could tell I wasn't doing a very good job.

"We… should go to bed" I pointed out, noting that it was almost one in the morning"

"Aww"

I paused briefly before pulling her into a hug, grinning widely as I felt her snuggle into my warm dressing gown, sighing happily.

"We can see each other again tomorrow. Maybe. To hang out. Or something"

Fotete's eyes widened significantly, her grin following suit. She looked like she had a lot to say, yet she only answered with a simple "Yeah"

Smiling at each other happily, I couldn't help but think that Shikoko would be so proud of me. It took me a year and a half, but I finally found a special friend that I could talk to and have fun with. I didn't have to be lonely anymore. And neither did Fotete.

**A/N**

**MOAR ORIGINZ**

**This story flowed as I typed it, mainly because writing in the POV of a woman with Aspergers is fairly easy for me to do because… well, that's what I am XD**

**If you know of my character Kurere, you may or may not have expected her to be like this internally. But I wanted to portray that, as a woman with her condition, thoughts and ideas run rampant in her mind without much control over them, they advance quickly and sometimes unintelligibly. The outside doesn't necessarily have to reflect the inner storm. That's how it is for me, anyway, and it was really cool and different to get it all on paper (or rather, in MS word XD).**

**I didn't make her exactly like me, I still invented a character for her and her own little quirks and individual symptoms.**

**Oh, for those who don't know, savant syndrome is an actual thing. It's very common for people with social disabilities, especially Aspergers, and is often used to diagnose such conditions. Basically, it means you have an unnatural talent for something, most commonly within maths and the arts (in my own personal case, it was problem solving – I used to be tested with fragments of a story and have to rearrange them, and at the time of the test, when I was about seven, I was working at the level of someone my age right now XD). That is the sort of thing I mean when I say that Kurere is a savant with music, art and tech.**

**As for Fotete… do wish I'd gotten into her conditions a bit more, but I was hoping I got the gist across. I knew many people with ADHD, as our school used to mix us together for some unbelievably stupid reason. Aspergers and ADHD normally don't mix that well at all. But I wanted to go against my own experiences with people with ADHD, and try and make it so that Kurere and Fotete complimented eachother, rather than push eachother away (which I gave a small taste of when Fotete was being too forward)**

**Her schizophrenia wasn't really described much at all here, as it's not a massively obvious case of it. It can sometimes be mistaken for bipolar at that level.**

**This note is too long I'm sorry XD When I talk about a thing that interests me (in this case psycology) I have a habit of going into far too much detail.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and that I did well handling the mental conditions I wrote about here. Please let me know if I've done something awfully wrong XD**


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